I've always had this sense about things... call it intuition or God or whatever, but I've always been one of those people who trusts my gut, and that has rarely ever led me wrong.
But somedays, it's tough to distinguish between that gut feeling and a general spirit of fear.
Do i travel or stay home? Well, gut feeling is making me a bit ill, so maybe i should stay home. but maybe i just haven't slept too well lately... or maybe i'm just overwhelmed.
today there was a guy asking for money, out by the store bern and i went to.
i started crying on the way home.
it sucks.
29.9.09
27.9.09
Love is a funny concept
I read English books for fun... and because I'm a nerd.
I was reading in my sister's book yesterday, and I came across a poem I'd never read before. It says that love should grow up like a wild iris, and goes on to depict the differences between "iris love" and what love most often is like. A few pages away from that was the good ole "if thou must love me let it be for love's sake only," and with the two I was taken back to a blog post I'd read some time ago. The author spoke of the vows couples take on their wedding days, vows to love each other regardless of money/health/circumstances, etc. And he (I think it was a he... it's hard to remember now) continued by remarking that it's rare we really understand what they're saying. He said something along the lines of our love for the other person being necessary, even if he/she ends up to be the exact opposite of the person we fell in love with to begin with.
So then I got to thinking.
This whole marriage thing... I came very close to it once upon a time, but in the end there were all these "What ifs" that i wasn't ready to deal with. And marriage, what this blogger was saying, is a sacred vow we make to another person, no matter what. I got to thinking about the future and the possibility of getting married someday. Me, I can handle the money or no money thing, no worries. But what if the humor fades away? What if he hits a period where he starts doubting his faith so much that it spills over into my own life? What if the depression hits bad and we both find ourselves fighting the same demons at the same time? What if he loses his cognitive ability and no longer understands the literature that we used to discuss for hours? What if all the things that "made us work" no longer existed? There's still a vow there.
Ouch.
And then I started to see a new depth in this marriage analogy betwixt Christ and the church.
Yeah, sometimes the church pisses me off. She looks so different from who she was supposed to be, from the new testament church. She forgets so often to love people. She lets all these other things get in the way of her relationship with Christ. All this... stuff. And i roll my eyes and find it difficult to believe that God really wants to bring salvation to this group of messed up people who can't even be who they were supposed to be. This church today isn't the church Christ gave himself up for. She's so much less now than she was then.
But in the same way we make marriage vows to the essence of a person, no matter what changes may come, Christ has made his vow to this church and stands faithful to her.
It's thought-provoking, to say the least.
Either scenario, I can't wrap my mind around this kind of a commitment.
But I'm beginning to see it, one day at a time.
I was reading in my sister's book yesterday, and I came across a poem I'd never read before. It says that love should grow up like a wild iris, and goes on to depict the differences between "iris love" and what love most often is like. A few pages away from that was the good ole "if thou must love me let it be for love's sake only," and with the two I was taken back to a blog post I'd read some time ago. The author spoke of the vows couples take on their wedding days, vows to love each other regardless of money/health/circumstances, etc. And he (I think it was a he... it's hard to remember now) continued by remarking that it's rare we really understand what they're saying. He said something along the lines of our love for the other person being necessary, even if he/she ends up to be the exact opposite of the person we fell in love with to begin with.
So then I got to thinking.
This whole marriage thing... I came very close to it once upon a time, but in the end there were all these "What ifs" that i wasn't ready to deal with. And marriage, what this blogger was saying, is a sacred vow we make to another person, no matter what. I got to thinking about the future and the possibility of getting married someday. Me, I can handle the money or no money thing, no worries. But what if the humor fades away? What if he hits a period where he starts doubting his faith so much that it spills over into my own life? What if the depression hits bad and we both find ourselves fighting the same demons at the same time? What if he loses his cognitive ability and no longer understands the literature that we used to discuss for hours? What if all the things that "made us work" no longer existed? There's still a vow there.
Ouch.
And then I started to see a new depth in this marriage analogy betwixt Christ and the church.
Yeah, sometimes the church pisses me off. She looks so different from who she was supposed to be, from the new testament church. She forgets so often to love people. She lets all these other things get in the way of her relationship with Christ. All this... stuff. And i roll my eyes and find it difficult to believe that God really wants to bring salvation to this group of messed up people who can't even be who they were supposed to be. This church today isn't the church Christ gave himself up for. She's so much less now than she was then.
But in the same way we make marriage vows to the essence of a person, no matter what changes may come, Christ has made his vow to this church and stands faithful to her.
It's thought-provoking, to say the least.
Either scenario, I can't wrap my mind around this kind of a commitment.
But I'm beginning to see it, one day at a time.
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